You’re not so OCD, you’re just annoying

Image from author.

Picture this: a cabinet perfectly arranged, everything precisely as it should be. Nice, right? But then you notice it— one plate is slightly misaligned, and it’s the only thing you can see now. 

Here is where I must ask you to resist exclaiming to those around you that you are so OCD! 

I was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) in my freshman year, and I have  had to become aware of how it affects my life in ways I didn’t even know were possible. It involves the experience of uncontrollable thoughts that must be solved by compulsions, which temporarily feel like a solution.

Looking back, my diagnosis should have been obvious, and I can’t believe it didn’t happen earlier. But in some way, it also makes sense. In popular culture, OCD has morphed into an adjective, used to describe someone’s tendency to prefer things orderly. In a third grade science lab, I remember sitting with my pencils on the table, one slightly askew to the rest. The girl to my left eyed it warily, before asking me to adjust it. She apologized, laughing to the rest of the table, and told us all she is “so OCD.” I know now she was doing it for attention. Because my OCD doesn’t typically present itself like that, I doubted whether I had it at all, which is ultimately unfair to me and others with it. 

In a way, I feel bad getting angry at these people, who clearly do not have malicious intent. But having OCD consumes you, taking control of your own brain. I’ve ruined relationships because of how obsessive I became. I’ve hurt people because it convinces me of things that aren’t true to myself or them. Even after my diagnosis, I had to learn about these lesser known aspects of OCD, and realize how they weren’t a part of me. If they were more commonly known, I could have understood and handled my situations differently.

 For transparency, one major aspect of my OCD is ROCD (relationship obsessive compulsive disorder). My brain will never let me feel completely secure in any sort of relationship— whether that be romantic, platonic, or familial. I doubt people who say they care for me, even if I know they truly do. The thoughts are not my own, yet they are framed to be. The generalization of OCD hurts more than I would care to admit, as it ultimately diminishes the experience of having it.

 To mislabel a disorder is not at all exclusive to OCD–it’s not in the least uncommon to hear people generalize other mental health disorders. People will describe their crying as “mental breakdowns” or their temporary sadness as depression. It’s a casual misunderstanding that diminishes the complexity of OCD and makes it more difficult for those with it to understand it and possibly get diagnosed. It ultimately dilutes the experience of these mental health conditions, resulting in misunderstandings about what it’s truly like to live with them.

Adalyn Lowe is a junior at Washington High School, and this is her first year on The Hatchet. She moved from San Francisco at three years old, and has lived in Fremont ever since. This year on the paper, she hopes to cover social issues, youth culture, and her own opinions. In her free time, she enjoys reading, writing, and traveling. After high school, Adalyn plans to extend her passion for journalism into a career.

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