For over 50 years, Sesame Street has been a cherished staple in American households, delighting children with its whimsical characters and seemingly innocuous programming. However, a group of astute students from Washington High School in Fremont, CA, has recently uncovered the shocking truth: beneath the show’s vibrant veneer lies a covert plot to indoctrinate our children with radical leftist political views.
“Big Bird is clearly a Marxist mastermind,” asserts senior Alex Thompson, president of Washington High’s Conspiracy Theory Club. “Just look at the way he shares his nest with others, endorsing the virtues of communal living! He’s practically a feathered advocate for wealth redistribution.”
Even the show’s iconic theme song, “Can You Tell Me How to Get to Sesame Street?”, has come under fire. Sophomore Veronica Lee argues that the lyrics are a thinly-veiled call to action for young, impressionable viewers: “The song is unmistakably an invitation for children to embark on a journey to a utopian socialist haven. Sesame Street is indoctrinating our youth, one catchy tune at a time.”
Further investigations by these tenacious students have revealed that Cookie Monster’s insatiable appetite for cookies might, in fact, be an allegory for corporate greed. “Cookie Monster’s obsession with cookies represents the destructive nature of capitalism,” muses junior Ethan Martinez. “As he devours cookie after cookie, we’re meant to question our own insatiable consumerism and the sustainability of our economic system.”
Even the lovable character Elmo has been implicated in this sinister scheme. Freshman Hannah Kim points out that Elmo’s signature phrase, “Elmo loves you,” is nothing more than a devious attempt to promote the leftist agenda of universal love and acceptance: “By telling everyone that he loves them, Elmo is clearly advocating for a world where everyone is equal and nobody is left behind. It’s a nefarious plot, I tell you!”
Washington High School’s Conspiracy Theory Club has compiled a list of additional grievances against Sesame Street, further substantiating their claims of subversive messaging. For instance, the character of Oscar the Grouch has been accused of promoting environmentalism, as his residency in a trash can serves as a constant reminder of the consequences of our society’s waste and neglect.
Count von Count, the show’s resident mathematician and vampire, is said to be secretly promoting progressive taxation. Senior and club member Olivia Sanchez explains, “The Count’s fixation on numbers is a sly reference to income inequality. By counting everything in sight, he’s essentially advocating for a fairer distribution of resources in our society.”
Moreover, the diverse array of puppet characters on Sesame Street has been cited as evidence of the show’s sinister intent. “It’s obvious that the show’s creators are pushing their leftist agenda by including characters from all walks of life,” accuses sophomore James Kim. “Sesame Street is forcing us to confront issues like race, disability, and gender, which is clearly a plot to make us more empathetic and accepting of others.”
As these intrepid students from Washington High School in Fremont, CA, have so valiantly exposed, Sesame Street’s true intentions are far from wholesome. Parents and educators alike must remain vigilant against this seemingly innocent children’s show, lest our youth succumb to the clutches of the puppeteered puppet masters orchestrating this insidious leftist indoctrination.
Arthur Maung is a junior at Washington High School and has lived in the city of Fremont his entire life. This is his first year at the Hatchet, fully new to the paper. Arthur joined the paper to express his interests in anime and issues in Fremont. His hobbies include, but are not limited to, watching anime & Youtube, reading manga/manhwa, playing video games, and listening to music. After high-school Arthur plans to continue his education at Ohlone College, then transfer to any university to continue his education & adult life.